how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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