I hate your face
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
