Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
