I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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