I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
my poor anus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
