try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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