Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
