"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
