I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
