I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Houston, we have a squirter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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