it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
