OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
