In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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