THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
