She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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