So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
