Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
