You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
