this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
