So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
