Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So gin and wine won't be happening again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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