My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
