I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
