sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
