because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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