They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need a beard to bite.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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