Its about making memories worth repressing
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
