i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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