eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
