just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
