I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
