it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
