I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
