The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
