You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
