he was CRYING into my vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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