make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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