You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
