weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
