The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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