idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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