Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
