I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
