So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
