is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
