im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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