He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
