Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
