dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
