ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
