I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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