I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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