There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
