I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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