so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My dad just said "fuck circus"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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