woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
