you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
