I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
