I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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