oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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