Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
nutella sex= disaster
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
