I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
