I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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