I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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